Confusion blinds my eyes as I sit with a blank screen in front of me, the unmerciful cursor constantly blinking as if to remind of the overwhelming whiteness spread before my eyes; waiting, waiting for a speck of black to pollute its oh-so-pure nature. But is it anything compared to the blankness in my head. Is my head blank? Had it ever been blank? The moment I was born, even before perhaps, attempts started to blacken it. Something so white, so pristine, just doesn't appeal to the world. So they devote themselves whole-heartedly to convert this blank impressionable space into a mess of black specks overflowing with lines and words; some try to throw in shades of colour as well, so it doesn't look so dreary after all. The end result is "I", very convincing; a confused mass of words, ideas, pictures, thoughts that may be ingenious but mostly aren't since I myself was not the typist. I never even got the chance to spoil my blank space myself, make my own mess, drown in my own shit, others did the job for me before I even got to my senses. What a beautiful world! Most of the times I am also happy with the mess that is my head, convinced that there is something substantial, something meaningful in there somewhere. What a beautiful idea! An organised structural scam! I am happy or miserable as the case may be because I think I am the author of this mess thats inside my head. How it would shatter me to acknowledge - I have nothing to do with it!
It raises another question. If I have nothing to do with it, then am I not at all responsible for what I do or who I am? Sounds too good to be true! I can do whatever I want, I am not even responsible for it! What to do now? Need to think of an answer and hence the blank screen. Out of all that's inside, the confusing array of words, pictures, thoughts and ideas, all of which I can't even claim to be my own, is there something, some little grid somewhere, some space, some idea, some thought, some word that's my own? Can I claim a right over something, anything however small? The fact that I am raising this question is a glimmer of hope. All is not lost. There is still some bank space left where I am free to make my own mess and by God! I am not going to let that opportunity slip by!
2 comments:
(A blank comment. Figure it out. :P)
Oh!! I believe this is one of the best things I have read, but I believe that you can still do better. Now which "believe" do you believe is really "believe"?
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